it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
3pm strippers are depressing
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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