I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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