I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
