Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
