but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
