If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
