I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
