THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
