he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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