On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
