Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
