im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
