It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
