I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There's always time for handjobs
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
