I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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