did you get engaged???
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
