My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
