she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
