i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just pee around me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
