gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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