im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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