his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i now understand why vodka
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
