This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
