i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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