So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
