i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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