why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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