I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
