I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
