In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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