Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
