He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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