there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's like God shit irony all over that family
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
