i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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