Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
