so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
splinters make it hard to masturbate
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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