this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
