When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
