This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
