she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
