his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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