if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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