i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
