I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
