is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
