do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
