well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
