pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
