Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
