wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
