I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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