I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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