i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
