Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
