I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
