There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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