oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
