I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize