i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
