pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
