Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
