i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
