Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
