eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
