My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
