Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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