6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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