I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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