Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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