I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
