Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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