She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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