I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
PS: I just woke up from my shower
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I did not marry a roomba.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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