A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
