North Korea, Best Korea!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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