would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
