I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
